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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660641">Lonely Hearts Club</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/izazov/pseuds/izazov'>izazov</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst and Feels, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Miscommunication, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:00:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660641</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/izazov/pseuds/izazov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some things not even Chosen One can fix. Anakin learns this the hard way after a mission goes wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>668</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lonely Hearts Club</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Unlike the majority of the Jedi, Anakin didn't have a favorite place in The Jedi Temple.</p><p> </p><p>(Obi-Wan would have probably disagreed, but Obi-Wan would have been wrong. Every happy memory Anakin had of The Temple was tied to a person, not a place.)</p><p> </p><p>When he had first arrived at The Temple, Anakin had been scared and more than a little lost. He had missed his Mother fiercely, longing for a comforting smile or a tight hug.</p><p> </p><p>Albeit majestic, The Temple's wide halls, heavy ceilings and sprawling staircases had not made a good first impression on a nine-year-old Anakin, desperate for warmth and familiarity but - save for Qui-Gon's occasional smile or a reassuring touch - finding none.</p><p> </p><p>Although The Jedi Temple no longer seemed as unwelcoming and intimidating as it had all those years ago, Anakin couldn't quite bring himself to think of it as home. That feeling of not belonging that had shadowed his steps as he walked the halls of The Temple for the first time, still lingered deep within Anakin's heart, festering slowly.</p><p> </p><p>So no, Anakin didn't have a favorite place in The Temple. He did, however, have the <em> least </em>favorite one.</p><p> </p><p>(Obi-Wan would have been wrong about this, too. It <em> wasn't </em>the Council Chamber.)</p><p> </p><p>It was the Halls of Healing.</p><p> </p><p>And the last five days have done nothing to change Anakin's mind. Quite the opposite. </p><p> </p><p>It was in no small part ironic considering Anakin has spent almost every moment of those five days <em> in </em> the Halls of Healing. Perfectly healthy and without a single scrape on him.</p><p> </p><p>Well. <em> That </em>didn't necessarily mean a kriffing thing.</p><p> </p><p>According to Master Che, Obi-Wan was also perfectly healthy and - for once - uninjured.</p><p> </p><p>He was also unconscious. <em> Has been </em> unconscious for the last nine days, six hours and forty-five minutes. Forty-six minutes, now.</p><p> </p><p>And it was all Anakin's fault.</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Eleven days ago. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Anakin," Obi-Wan sighed, long-suffering, as Anakin straddled his lap, winding his hands around the back of Obi-Wan's neck. "Shouldn't you be piloting this death trap?"</p><p> </p><p>"<em> Twilight </em>is a damn good ship," Anakin protested. "I've done the upgrades myself."</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow. "Hence the 'death trap'."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin snorted. "Just because you're a boring, old man who hates flying doesn't make <em> Twilight </em>a bad ship."</p><p> </p><p>"A boring, old man?" Obi-Wan repeated, his eyes twinkling with amusement, his hands settling low on Anakin's hips. "Perhaps I should go to sleep then. To conserve my strength. Be sure to wake me when we leave the hyperspace."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin considered calling Obi-Wan's bluff, but decided against it. Words were Obi-Wan's thing. Anakin preferred action.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin ground down against Obi-Wan, not bothering to hide a victorious grin at the flare of heat in Obi-Wan's eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Or you could stay," Anakin murmured, grazing the shell of Obi-Wan's ear with his teeth. He ground down again, his grin widening at the unmistakable hardness between Obi-Wan's legs.</p><p> </p><p>"You're not playing fair, Anakin," Obi-Wan rasped, his fingers digging deeper into the flesh of Anakin's hips.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin turned his head, meeting Obi-Wan's darkened gaze. A shiver ran down his spine, arousal pooling low in his gut. They have been sleeping together for three years now, and Anakin still couldn't think of a better feeling than the thrill of knowing he was the only one responsible for putting <em> that </em> look in Obi-Wan's eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin slid his hand up Obi-Wan's neck and jaw, dragging his thumb across Obi-Wan's lower lip. "I'm not interested in playing fair, Obi-Wan," Anakin said, grinding against Obi-Wan's now fully hard cock. "Or playing, really. I want something else."</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan's arched his neck, his lips parting around a breathless moan. "And what- What do you want?"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin leaned forward, until his mouth was hovering just over Obi-Wan's. "To ride you. Right here. In this seat," Anakin said, aiming for teasing but failing spectacularly. The raw need that was coursing through his blood shaped his words into a hoarse demand.</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan let out a sharp hiss of breath, his eyes burning with unmasked desire. He wound his fingers into Anakin's hair and <em> pulled </em>, baring Anakin's neck.</p><p> </p><p>"You, my dear," Obi-Wan panted against the skin of Anakin's neck. "Are impossible."</p><p> </p><p>"To resist?"</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan grazed his teeth lightly against Anakin's throat, following it with an even lighter kiss. "Always."</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>"-and you know how I ha-" Anakin cut himself off sharply, dragging his fingers through his hair. He released a long breath but it did nothing to calm the raging beast inside his chest; howling in impotent fury, fueled by pure, undiluted fear.</p><p> </p><p>"Dislike Healing Halls," Anakin amended, his voice a ragged whisper. "That's why you need to wake up. So both us could leave this kriffing place."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin leaned forward in his seat, unconsciously seeking to minimize the distance between himself and the still figure on the bed next to him. The gravitational pull that kept Anakin tethered to Obi-Wan remained just as strong, just as undeniable, even if Obi-Wan couldn't hear him or answer him. </p><p> </p><p>Even if Anakin could no longer <em> feel </em>him, no matter how hard he tugged on their bond, or how often: there was only silence, only absence, where Obi-Wan's soothing, warm presence used to be.</p><p> </p><p>It was an exercise in failure, but Anakin couldn't stop himself from trying; again, and again, and again. Couldn't deprive himself of that glimmer of hope that he would succeed in reaching Obi-Wan, that <em> this time </em> he would be strong enough. Not even to spare himself the pain and misery that followed each failed attempt.</p><p> </p><p>(Obi-Wan wouldn't have been happy with Anakin. He would have lectured him on the incredible stupidity of expecting a different outcome after repeating the same action over and over again.)</p><p> </p><p>But Obi-Wan couldn't lecture or scold him. Couldn't do any of the things that would have inevitably led to Anakin bristling with indignation and defiance.</p><p> </p><p>Now, Anakin would gladly suffer through hours upon hours of lectures, raised eyebrows, pointed looks and long-suffering sighs, if only Obi-Wan were to kriffing <em> wake up </em>.</p><p> </p><p>A loud, rattling noise snapped Anakin out of the black, swirling maelstrom of his thoughts, drawing his attention to his datapad, clattering violently on the bedside table.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Anakin straightened in his seat. He blinked, dismayed, unable to draw his eyes from the sight before him. </p><p> </p><p>Anakin stared dumbly at the datapad for one surreal moment, watching in rapt fascination as it inched closer and closer to the edge of the table.</p><p> </p><p>A memory pierced through Anakin's daze, panic surging violently from the pit of his stomach, as he recalled  Master Che's warning.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "You may stay, Skywalker, but only as long as you control yourself. Another outburst such as this one, and you will be banned from these halls." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Anakin shut his eyes, and took a deep breath, grabbing at the scattered threads of his control with desperate resolve. </p><p> </p><p>The beast inside him trashed and wailed - furious and afraid - but Anakin ignored it, concentrating on nothing but the next inhale. And then the one after that; the first line of the Jedi Code - the one Anakin has never cared to understand or accept, much to Obi-Wan's annoyance - echoing inside his mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is- </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Silence.</p><p> </p><p>Letting out a long breath, Anakin opened his eyes. His gaze flicked to the datapad, now perched dangerously close to the edge of the table. </p><p> </p><p>With a flick of his wrist, Anakin pushed the datapad away from the edge of the table, his eyes drawn to Obi-Wan's face.</p><p> </p><p>In all their years together - including those before they've started sleeping together - Anakin has rarely seen Obi-Wan completely relaxed and unguarded. </p><p> </p><p>After they've become lovers, Anakin has learned so many little ways to make Obi-Wan's gaze flare with desire, to make his control waver and then snap. He'd also discovered exactly how to make Obi-Wan moan, and curse, and even <em> beg </em>. </p><p> </p><p>But even after all that, Anakin has taken only a few precious glimpses past the shields and all that dogmatic druk Obi-Wan has erected around his innermost self, and into the very core of the man who held Anakin's entire heart. Whether he liked it or not.</p><p> </p><p><em> This, </em>now… it was not peace or serenity or contentment, it was absence. A void in the place where Obi-Wan's presence should be.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin's heart twisted, his fingers clenching into a fist, the air around him shifting violently in answer to the storm brewing inside him.</p><p> </p><p>A warning rattle made Anakin expel a harsh breath, forcing him to uncurl his fingers one by one. Peace, serenity, calm… even on the best of days Anakin's thoughts and feelings were a riotous mess, gnawing at his shields. How was he supposed to achieve calm <em> now </em>, with Obi-Wan all but dea-</p><p> </p><p>Anakin clenched his jaw together, silencing that insidious voice inside his head, voice that whispered of loss and pain. Of… death.</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan was alive. And he would stay alive. Whatever that kriffing, thrice-damned holocron had done to him, could be undone. <em> Would </em> be undone. Everyone had agreed on it. All Anakin had to do was wait. Just wait, be patient, and he would have Obi-Wan again: awake and as infuriatingly composed as ever. </p><p> </p><p>(Well. As composed as Anakin would allow him to be once they would have found themselves alone. Which was to say, not at all.)</p><p> </p><p>Until that happened, Anakin couldn't allow himself to lose control. Couldn't risk being thrown out. Even the thought of being away from Obi-Wan, unable to touch him or see him made his stomach churn with near physical nausea. It had been bad enough to accept that he couldn't do anything to fix this mess - <em> his mess, if he hadn't gone and reached for that damned thing, none of this would have happened </em>- to be banned from Obi-Wan's room… well. Anakin wouldn't let it happen. </p><p> </p><p><em> Couldn't </em>let it happen. </p><p> </p><p>"You're doing this on purpose. To teach me control and patience," Anakin said into the silence of the room, his voice trembling faintly. He swallowed thickly. "But you're taking it too far."</p><p> </p><p>He cast a quick glance at the door before taking Obi-Wan's hand into his own, twining their fingers together. What he really wanted to do was climb onto the bed and curl around Obi-Wan like he'd used to do when he'd been just a boy, and Obi-Wan had been the warm and bright center of his world.</p><p> </p><p><em> Not much has changed there, </em> Anakin thought, squeezing Obi-Wan's hand tighter.</p><p> </p><p>"Wake up, Obi-Wan," Anakin pleaded, bringing their joint hands up to his lips. "Just… wake up. <em> Please. </em>"</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ten days ago. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"That's exactly what you said the first four times, Obi-Wan," Anakin said, flipping the switches on the control panel, preparing for the landing. He threw Obi-Wan an annoyed glance. "There's nothing wrong with my hearing."</p><p> </p><p>"It is not your hearing I am concerned about, Anakin," Obi-Wan retorted in a clipped tone. "Rather your inability to follow orders."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin grit his teeth, something dark and vicious rising from the pit of his stomach. He stared straight ahead, red filling his vision. Whether it was due to the surface of the planet that was their destination, or the anger simmering underneath his skin, Anakin couldn't tell.</p><p> </p><p>"If you don't trust me," Anakin bit out, leather creaking as his fingers tightened harder around the steering yoke. "You should have asked your good friend Windu to assign someone else to accompany you on this mission."</p><p> </p><p>Hurt flared in the air between them: sudden and sharp, disappearing almost as fast as it had appeared.</p><p> </p><p>Shoved, no doubt, behind those karking walls Obi-Wan kept around himself. Kept so he could hide there and keep his secrets.</p><p> </p><p>"If that is of any importance to you," Obi-Wan said in a quiet, calm voice that only made Anakin grit his teeth harder. "I did express my... preference during the initial briefing for this mission."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin swerved<em> Twilight </em> sharply to the left. It was an unnecessary maneuver, but it awarded him with a sharp hiss of breath and a spike of annoyance from Obi-Wan. It wasn't enough to calm the maelstrom of bitter resentment and longing battering against his ribcage, but it was <em> something </em>.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, I'm sorry you got stuck with me instead," Anakin sneered, poison dripping from his words. "I guess even being the Council's golden boy doesn't always get you what you want."</p><p> </p><p>It was almost surreal to recall what they had done together in this very same place, less than a day ago. If it weren't for the dull ache in a very… inconvenient place and the impressive bruise on his collarbone - no less impressive were the ones hidden underneath Obi-Wan's robes - Anakin could dismiss the memories of demanding kisses and heated touches as nothing but a fevered dream.</p><p> </p><p>Ironically, sex was one thing that remained unaffected by the fallout of Obi-Wan's undercover mission. But that was the thing: it was sex. Amazing, scorching hot sex, but nothing more. And it has been, ever since that first time, ever since Anakin had stupidly dug his own trap.</p><p> </p><p>(Well. On Obi-Wan's part, at least. Anakin was the fool who'd gone and fallen in love.)</p><p> </p><p>Anakin had been the one to set the rules, the one to call it an arrangement between friends, and the one who has been breaking the rules right from the start. Obi-Wan… felt something for Anakin, a fondness that went deeper than mere friendship, <em> that much </em> was obvious. But it was nothing compared to what blazed through Anakin's veins: love so immediate, so visceral, it bordered on necessity.</p><p> </p><p>"I haven't gotten stuck with you, Anakin," came the maddeningly calm reply. "I asked for you. Though, that might have been an error on my part."</p><p> </p><p>The sting of Obi-Wan's words burned like acid, fuelling the anger that was already wreaking havoc inside Anakin's heart. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm flattered," Anakin ground out, glancing at Obi-Wan over his shoulder. "I'm curious, though. Did you ask for me because I'm good with a lightsaber or a good fuck?"</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan went deathly still. For a single moment, his shields cracked, allowing Anakin a glimpse into a churning sea of regret, guilt and deep, almost unbearable, sadness.</p><p> </p><p>A heartbeat later, Obi-Wan's shields were up, impenetrable and durasteel hard. Much like Obi-Wan's expression.</p><p> </p><p>"That was unworthy of both of us, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, quietly disappointed. Anakin would have preferred yelling and anger. At least <em> that </em>he understood and knew how to counter.</p><p> </p><p>Which was probably why Obi-Wan very rarely allowed himself to actually show his anger.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin looked away, the words of an apology a lump of coal in his throat. He knew he'd gone too far. But he couldn't help himself. There was an open wound inside his chest, festering slowly, dripping poison, resentment and mistrust.</p><p> </p><p>He could recall holding Obi-Wan's lifeless body with perfect clarity, feeling as if someone had wrenched his heart out of his chest, sentencing him to an empty and miserable half-life: void of warmth, light and happiness.</p><p> </p><p>And it was a lie. A kriffing ruse. Part of a mission.</p><p> </p><p>Six months has gone since that day, and Anakin couldn't let go of it. Couldn't forget. Couldn't forgive. Couldn't allow himself to fully trust Obi-Wan. </p><p> </p><p>Couldn't stop himself from reaching after Obi-Wan. Couldn't stop loving him.</p><p> </p><p>"We're about to enter the planet's atmosphere," Anakin said, his fingers dancing over the switches and controls. "We should make planetfall in about twenty minutes."</p><p> </p><p>"Anakin-"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin clenched his jaw. "Not now, Obi-Wan," he said, voice cold and hard, his gaze fixed firmly on the viewport. "The landing might be tricky."</p><p> </p><p>It was a lie, and a lousy one at that. But Obi-Wan didn't call him on it. He remained silent, his presence in the Force a barest flicker of light.</p><p> </p><p>It was a hollow victory, Anakin decided, one that tasted like ash and regret.</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>Anakin sat down on the edge of the bed and dragged his fingers through his hair, still damp from the shower. He glanced at the chrono on the bedside table, his stomach twisting with the amalgam of helplessness and longing. </p><p> </p><p>(There was anger there, too, as well as fear, but those were old and familiar shadows; haunting him for years.)</p><p> </p><p>Anakin propped his elbows on his knees and hung his head down.</p><p> </p><p>Another day gone. Wasted. </p><p> </p><p>He was slowly beginning to unravel from the inside, what forced calm he'd achieved was hanging by a single, worn thread.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn't go on like this. Just sitting by, doing <em> nothing </em>, while Obi-Wan-</p><p> </p><p>Anakin let out a harsh breath, dragging the heel of his hand across his face.</p><p> </p><p>But what could he do? What <em> should </em> he do? How could he fix what has happened when he had no starting point, no clue as to how to <em> make </em>that karking holocron undo whatever it has done to Obi-Wan?</p><p> </p><p>Not that anyone else seemed better equipped to help Obi-Wan, no matter what they said. Which, more or less, amounted to be patient and <em> wait. </em></p><p> </p><p>Anakin let out a frustrated noise, rising to his feet. He began pacing, the weariness from moments ago replaced by nervous energy, sparking along his nerve endings, seeking an outlet, an object on which to focus.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps, it would be better if Anakin were to be deployed. Then he would be able to actually do something, something that matters, instead of just sitting by Obi-Wan's bedside, begging him to wake up.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin faltered in his steps, swallowing thickly.</p><p> </p><p><em> Would </em>it be better? To leave Coruscant? To leave… Obi-Wan? Would Anakin be able to perform to his usual standards? Able to make decisions that could cost good and loyal men their lives? Able to separate his duty from his feelings?</p><p> </p><p>(A true Jedi would do it. <em> Could </em>do it. But Anakin was not a true Jedi. Not like Obi-Wan.)</p><p> </p><p>Exhaling deeply, Anakin felt his shoulders sag. The war still raged outside Temple's walls, uncaring of any being's troubles and feelings.</p><p> </p><p>With Obi-Wan out of commission, there was no way Anakin would remain much longer on Coruscant, doing absolutely nothing of value. It was a small miracle the Council - well, mostly Mace Windu - had put up with Anakin's blatant display of attachment and clear disregard of the Code as long as it had. </p><p> </p><p>He would be deployed soon, maybe even given command of 212th in Obi-Wan's absence, Anakin was certain. It was a matter of days. If not hours.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head, Anakin strode back to the bed. When it happened, when his orders arrived, Anakin would deal with it. As for now...</p><p> </p><p>Anakin regarded his commlink, perched innocuously on the bedside table, with a mixture of trepidation and weariness.</p><p> </p><p>(Obi-Wan would have teased him. Probably invoking the moniker given to him by the Holonet. And he would have been wrong. Again. To Anakin fear wasn't measured by the number of his opponents but by the threat to those he held close to his heart.)</p><p> </p><p>Anakin picked up his commlink, fiddling with it for a moment. He couldn't delay this conversation any longer. No matter how much the very idea made his stomach churn.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin sat down on the bed, flicking idly through his personal messages. A few from the Chancellor, two new ones from Padmé, one from Rex, one from Aayla and… well. A lot from Ahsoka.</p><p> </p><p>With a sigh, Anakin plugged his commlink into the holoprojector and entered Ahsoka's private comm number. She responded immediately, her silhouette emerging in a flash of blue.</p><p> </p><p>"Master," Ahsoka said, her voice a mixture of relief and reproach. "I've been comming you for ages. Why didn't you reply?"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin felt the corner of his mouth turn up, the weight in his chest lessened faintly by the sight of Ahsoka's face. "Hey, Snips. Are you behaving for Master Plo?"</p><p> </p><p>Ahsoka narrowed her eyes. "Don't try to change the subject, Skyguy." She pointed an accusing finger at Anakin. "The last I heard from you, you only said you and Master Kenobi were going on a mission. That was two weeks ago."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin's smile faded. "It was a classified mission. I couldn't have said more. Not then." Anakin swallowed heavily, but his throat still felt as dry as Tatooine. Dry and burning. "It- It went wrong, Ahsoka."</p><p> </p><p>Ahsoka blinked, her expression drawing into a concerned frown. "What happened?"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin squeezed his eyes shut. "It's Obi-Wan," Anakin said, his voice brittle. "He-" Anakin trailed off, unsure what to say. He had been there, and he didn't know. His memories were fragmented, disjointed. He remembered a pull, like someone had hooked an invisible line through his very soul, drawing him toward a flicker or white light. His next memory was of Obi-Wan's panicked cry, a push, a blinding flash of light. Then, <em> nothing </em>. Until he'd come awake, and Obi-Wan… hadn't.</p><p> </p><p>"He got hurt," Anakin finished, his voice echoing hollowly in his empty bedroom. They had slept together, once, in that very same room. <em> That </em>memory Anakin could recall easily, fresh and clear as if it had happened yesterday: the thrill of having Obi-Wan underneath him and around him, tight and warm. Kissing away the knowing smile off of Obi-Wan's mouth as Anakin's orgasm - the first one - hit him with the force of an ion cannon.</p><p> </p><p>"Master, it's not-" Ahsoka's hesitant voice dragged Anakin away from the warmth of the past memories and back to the cold and empty present. "This is not like <em> that </em> mission again, right?"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin snapped his eyes open, his mouth curving into a bitter smile. Ahsoka didn't need to explain which mission that was. After all, she had been the first one to gather Obi-Wan's lifeless body in her lap, the first one to search for a sign of life, only to find death. </p><p> </p><p>Well. What appeared to be death, as it turned out.</p><p> </p><p>"No, it's not like that. This-" Anakin's cut himself off. It was stupid and childish but Anakin didn't want to acknowledge the truth out loud. As if saying the words would mean sealing Obi-Wan's fate. </p><p> </p><p>"Anakin?" Ahsoka's uncertain voice broke through the haze of despair and misery that had closed around Anakin, threatening to swallow him whole. He couldn't fall apart in front of his own Padawan. He wouldn't.  "What <em> happened </em>?"</p><p> </p><p>"He won't wake up," Anakin rasped, the words feeling like jagged shards of glass as they left his throat.</p><p> </p><p>Ahsoka's eyes widened in shocked dismay, her mouth opening around a quiet gasp.</p><p> </p><p>"He won't wake up, Ahsoka," Anakin repeated, hunching his shoulders and bowing his head.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And I don't know what to do. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ten days ago. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Well, isn't this a cheerful place," Anakin remarked as his gaze scanned their surroundings. </p><p> </p><p>Much to Anakin's distaste, this planet was a barren, inhospitable wasteland, with a climate that could almost rival that of Anakin's planet of birth. Though, unlike Tatooine, there was no sand on Vasot, not that rocky terrain and jagged cliffs were that much of an improvement.</p><p> </p><p>At least there were no Hutts or Tuskens here. Or any sentient life, if the intel provided by the Council was correct.</p><p> </p><p>And these days, it was a big <em> if. </em></p><p> </p><p>Anakin's mouth curved with disdain as a cloud of red dust rose from the nearby ground on a gust of wind. "It's a wonder it isn't bursting with tourists."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin expected a dry, sardonic reply, but there was only silence. Frowning, he turned to look at Obi-Wan. He found him standing a feet away, stroking his beard, and staring into distance, a deep crease etched onto his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin followed Obi-Wan's gaze to a distant outline of a building, carved into one of the larger cliffs.</p><p> </p><p>It was their destination. Supposedly an abandoned temple of Force worshipers, dating back to the times of the Old Republic. And the Sith Empire.</p><p> </p><p>"Obi-Wan?" Anakin prompted, unease twisting in his gut despite himself. For all that Obi-Wan called Anakin reckless, he had a frustrating habit of deliberately walking into traps, usually with a smile on his face. To see him less than composed, and not attempting to hide it… well. It made Anakin tense in anticipation of an upcoming danger. "Is everything all right?"</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan blinked, turning his gaze toward Anakin. "Let's just say, I am not particularly fond of ancient temples," Obi-Wan said, his mouth turning up into an obviously fake smile. "Especially if they are suspected to be of Sith origin."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin's frown deepened. "I thought our intel was inconclusive on the origin of this temple. Even the validity of this mission." Anakin let out a frustrated huff of breath, turning to face Obi-Wan fully. "Why are we really here, Obi-Wan? To play archeologists? Because we <em> might </em> find some ancient Sith trinket? Even Windu seemed convinced this whole thing was nothing but a wild bantha chase."</p><p> </p><p>Their last briefing before their departure to Vasot had been… interesting. And one of the rare occasions when Anakin hadn't been the object of Mace Windu's disapproval. Not that it had done him much good to go against Yoda. Who seemed determined to uncover whatever secrets this supposed temple guarded.</p><p> </p><p>(Anakin fully suspected Yoda himself would have undertaken this mission, were it not for its clandestine nature. Much to Anakin's consternation, even the Chancellor wasn't privy to the true nature of this assignment.)</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan lowered his hand slowly, his expression hardening. "Even a possibility of a Sith artifact needs to be investigated. Imagine if Dooku were to find out about it."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin narrowed his eyes, his fingers curling into a loose fist as a poisonous doubt burrowed inside his mind. "Since when are <em> you </em> so scared of a <em> possibility </em>? Or is there something you're not telling me about this mission?"</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan froze, his eyes going wide with hurt that seemed to go deep, down to his very core. A moment later, it was gone, replaced by implacable, unyielding resolve.</p><p> </p><p>"I have compromised… much of myself since the start of this blasted war," Obi-Wan said, quiet, but with an undercurrent of molten durasteel. "But I would never consciously endangered your life, Anakin. Not for any mission. Not for <em> anything. </em>No matter the orders I have been given."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin felt as if air had been punched out of his lungs: dizzy and lightheaded, desperately wishing he could grasp the flicker of hope that sparked to life within his heart, and hold it tightly.</p><p> </p><p>Even knowing that hope was a dangerous thing: stubborn and treacherous alike.</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>"I want to forgive you," Anakin said. He was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against Obi-Wan's bed, his elbows resting on his raised knees. "I want to <em> trust </em> you again. I want-"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin cut himself off, squeezing his eyes shut. He was beginning to hate the sound of his own voice. Not as much as he hated the absence of Obi-Wan's, though.</p><p> </p><p>Not nearly as much as he missed hearing it. Even that annoying, exasperated sigh Obi-Wan would wrap around the syllables of Anakin's name.</p><p> </p><p>"And that's the problem, isn't it?" Anakin forced past the tight clench of his jaw. "I shouldn't <em> want </em>. Like a good and proper Jedi. But that's not me." Anakin let out a low, bitter laugh. "It will never be me."</p><p> </p><p>He would always be at the mercy of the storm that raged inside him, of the flames coursing through his blood.</p><p> </p><p>Reckless, impatient, dangerous. </p><p> </p><p>And it was the truth, wasn't it? If he'd just stopped himself before reaching after that kriffing holocron, if he'd listened to Obi-Wan's warnings, Obi-Wan wouldn't be lying in a bed in Halls of Healing, locked inside himself.</p><p> </p><p>Alive, but dead.</p><p> </p><p>"Why did you do it?" Anakin demanded, low and pained, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, until he saw white dots flashing behind his closed eyelids. "<em> Why </em>, Obi-Wan?"</p><p> </p><p>The silence, as always, offered neither an answer, nor comfort. Only agony of absence.</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Eleven days ago. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"It doesn't look like much," Anakin noted, glancing at Obi-Wan from the corner of his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan's mouth twitched faintly. "Yes, well, the architecture does leave something to be desired."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin rolled his eyes, throwing a pointed glance at the temple's entrance. "It's a hole, Obi-Wan. Carved into the side of a cliff." </p><p> </p><p>"Now, Anakin, don't be ungracious," Obi-Wan said, arching one amused eyebrow. "At least acknowledge the charming archway-" Obi-Wan gestured toward the object in question, "-and the stairs. All three of them."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin snorted, amused. "I've seen better looking gundark nests."</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan nodded. "Fallen into one of them, if I am not mistaken."</p><p> </p><p>"That was <em> you </em> ," Anakin protested, indignant. "I <em> jumped in </em>after you so I could save you."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, yes, you're right," Obi-Wan conceded, his eyes gleaming with mirth as he shrugged. "Must be my old age catching up with me."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin's mouth curved into a smile. A <em> real </em>one. His chest suddenly felt light, full of warmth; no longer a cage for a snarling, angry beast. </p><p> </p><p>For one moment, everything was right again. <em> They </em> were right again. </p><p> </p><p>For one moment, there was no mistrust, resentment or denial crowding the air between them. And it felt more than right.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like coming home.</p><p> </p><p>"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, his features drawing into an expression Anakin has never seen on Obi-Wan's face: a strange amalgam of resolve and uncertainty, verging into vulnerability.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin's heart stilled for a beat, his throat going dry in an instant. The very air around Anakin seemed to simmer with anticipation. Of what, he couldn't say. But it felt… immense, life-changing.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes?" Anakin managed, his voice little more than a ragged whisper.</p><p> </p><p>"I-" Obi-Wan began only to cut himself off abruptly. He let out a deep sigh, dragging his fingers across his face, his expression morphing into the familiar mask of sardonic amusement as he gestured in the direction of the temple's entrance. "We should see what this gundark's nest has in store for us, don't you agree?"</p><p> </p><p>Without waiting for a reply, Obi-Wan straightened his shoulders, striding purposefully toward the temple's entrance, leaving Anakin with no other choice but to follow, his heart a leaden, aching weight in the hollow of his chest.</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>"There is nothing to be done, Skywalker, but to wait."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin tightened his jaw, wrestling his tumultuous feelings under control. He'd always felt uncomfortable in the Halls of Healing, as if the mandated tranquility of the place directly clashed with his own kinetic nature. That feeling was even more pronounced in the Master Che's private office. He felt like a nine-year-old boy again, helpless and lost. And this time Obi-Wan wasn't here to hold his hand in reassurance.</p><p> </p><p>Anger would do him no good here. Intimidation even less. Which… didn't really leave him with much to work with. Persuasion and negotiation were Obi-Wan's strengths, not his.</p><p> </p><p>Well. He would never manage to achieve Obi-Wan's level in wordplay and subtle manipulation, but he could be respectful and polite. <em> When </em>the occasion called for it.</p><p> </p><p>Letting out a deep breath, Anakin straightened his shoulders but made sure to keep his expression as placid as possible.</p><p> </p><p>"With due respect, Master Che, but there is always something to be done," Anakin insisted.</p><p> </p><p>Vokara Che squared Anakin with a hard gaze. "That is true," she said, sparking Anakin's hope only to stomp on it. "And in this particular case, that means waiting."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin breathed past the swell of helpless frustration that was squeezing his throat. "And the holocron?" Anakin all but spat the last word, wanting nothing better than to crush the damned thing. "Can't we use it to help Obi-Wan?"</p><p> </p><p>Vokara pressed her mouth into a thin line of disapproval. "As it stands right now, we have not been able to ascertain its origin. Let alone its function."</p><p> </p><p>"You mean you're still afraid it could be Dark," Anakin said, sharper than he intended. </p><p> </p><p>"That is correct," Vokara said, her voice taking on note of warning. She gave Anakin a pointed look. "As you are well aware, Knight Skywalker, tampering with a potentially Dark artifact could bring harm, not only to Master Kenobi, but also to those who would seek to aid him."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin swallowed a frustrated noise. "I have given the Council my report. There was nothing in that temple that felt Dark. I know, I was there."</p><p> </p><p>Vokara's expression remained implacable. "Be that as it may, the holocron's power was depleted. As it is now, it makes for little more than a fancy paperweight."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin sucked in a harsh breath, the edges of his vision sparking with red dots. He could feel his control slipping, the Force trembling around him; a precursor to an upcoming storm.</p><p> </p><p>"Master Che," Anakin ground out, bowing stiffly. "Thank you for your time."</p><p> </p><p>Straightening, Anakin strode toward the door, aware of Vokara's stern gaze following him every step of the way.</p><p> </p><p>"You should trust in the Force, Anakin."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin halted in his tracks, the empty platitude only adding fuel to the fire already burning inside him. He balled his hands into fists, gritting his teeth against the words crowding in his throat: angry, bitter and nothing a Jedi would say.</p><p> </p><p>"And Master Kenobi."</p><p> </p><p>Frowning, Anakin glanced over his shoulder. "Master Che?"</p><p> </p><p>"Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of the most stubborn beings I have ever encountered," Vokara said, a flicker of a smile forming in the corner of her mouth. "He will not give up without a fight."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin managed a smile: brittle, strained, and nowhere near to reaching his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan <em> was </em>stubborn and obstinate, and he loathed losing. He might not belong in battle like Anakin did, thriving on chaos and destruction, but he was a survivor. He persevered. Always.</p><p> </p><p>But Obi-Wan shouldn't fight this battle alone. Anakin should be there for him; should have his back as always.</p><p> </p><p>And Anakin couldn't. He didn't know how. </p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Twelve days ago. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Anakin groaned, rolling on his back and blinking his eyes open. </p><p> </p><p>His right shoulder ached, and his head felt like it had after that unfortunate drinking contest with Obi-Wan a year ago. </p><p> </p><p>Anakin pushed himself into a sitting position, pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead, trying to block the pounding behind it by sheer will alone.</p><p> </p><p>A memory resurfaced from the corners of his sluggish mind: the phantom touch of fingers closing around his wrist, Obi-Wan's voice, warning him to tread carefully.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, you were right this time," Anakin muttered in a low, hoarse voice, patting the ground around himself in search of his lightsaber. "But did you have to push me so hard?"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin braced himself for a verbal lashing, for that familiar sardonic Coruscanti drawl… but nothing came. There was only silence, interrupted by his own rapidly shortening breaths.</p><p> </p><p>"Obi-Wan?" Anakin called out, panic rearing its ugly head from the pit of his stomach. </p><p> </p><p>He rose to his feet, scanning his surroundings in the gloom of the temple, his gaze roaming over the shadowed corners, the sound of his boots drowned out by the blood rushing in his ears.</p><p> </p><p>"Obi-Wan?" Anakin tried again, the tremor in his voice mirrored in the way the Force shuddered around him, his eyes searching desperately for any sign of Obi-Wan, only to encounter stone, shadows, a large stone altar, and-</p><p> </p><p>There. A few feet behind the altar, lying on his side, was Obi-Wan.</p><p> </p><p>Still. Unmoving.</p><p> </p><p>"Obi-Wan," Anakin breathed, vaulting over the altar and dropping to his knees next to Obi-Wan.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin rolled Obi-Wan onto his back, searching for any sign of injury and finding nothing. A memory flickered before his mind's eye but Anakin pushed it down. Ignored it. There was no reason to torment himself with what was in the past. Or what could have been. What mattered was that Obi-Wan was breathing, that his pulse beat steadily underneath Anakin's trembling fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Letting out an unsteady breath, Anakin gathered Obi-Wan's limp body into his arms, cradling his head against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin slid his fingers into Obi-Wan's hair, frowning as his gaze caught on an object, lying just out of arm's reach, down on the ground. </p><p> </p><p>The holocron. </p><p> </p><p>Anakin stared at it, increasingly wary. He could remember moving toward it, dazed, thinking…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What, exactly? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>With an indrawn hiss of breath, Anakin realized that he couldn't remember what he had been thinking. Just that he <em> needed </em> to come close, to <em> touch </em> it.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head, Anakin looked away, reflexively tightening his grip around Obi-Wan's back.</p><p> </p><p>It… didn't matter right now. The holocron was obviously spent, and not a threat at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>As for Anakin… well. Obi-Wan would most likely spend their entire journey back lecturing Anakin on the merits of caution and restraint. <em> And </em> listening to warnings.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he awakened. Which should happen sooner rather than later.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin combed his fingers through Obi-Wan's hair, brushing a soft kiss against his forehead.</p><p>"You're a hypocrite," Anakin whispered. "You're always telling me how I need to stop taking foolish risks, and you're just as bad. What were you thinking?"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin nuzzled Obi-Wan's temple, a bright-hot pang of longing searing through his sternum. <em> This </em> was what he wanted. Power, glory, heroics… all of it paled when compared to having Obi-Wan in his arms, warm and pliant. Today, tomorrow, always.</p><p> </p><p>Not like this, though. <em> Never </em> like this.</p><p> </p><p>Sighing, Anakin closed his eyes, reaching for the bond that connected him to Obi-Wan, intent on giving him a soft push out of unconsciousness, only to freeze in shock.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing. There was nothing where the familiar steady and bright light should be.</p><p> </p><p>Panic surging through him like a tidal wave, Anakin lowered Obi-Wan down on the ground, cradling his face between his hands.</p><p> </p><p>"Obi-Wan?" Anakin forced past the lump in his throat, dread clawing at his chest like a rabid beast. </p><p> </p><p>Anakin squeezed his eyes shut and reached out into the Force, finding Obi-Wan instantaneously: his presence muted but unmistakable.</p><p> </p><p>But there was still no trace of Obi-Wan inside Anakin's mind. As if he had never been there.</p><p> </p><p>Something… something was terribly <em> wrong </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin let out a shuddering breath, leaning his forehead against Obi-Wan's, feeling like he was a nine-year-old boy again, frightened and lost.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alone. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>"Walk with me, Skywalker."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin clenched his jaw, his gaze flicking toward the doors behind Mace Windu. For one insane moment, Anakin considered pushing past Windu, and kriff the consequences. He managed to squash that impulse, though. Barely.</p><p> </p><p>"Master Windu," Anakin said, bowing his head. "I was just on my-"</p><p> </p><p>Windu held up a hand. "I know where you were going, Skywalker. I am also asking you to walk with me."</p><p> </p><p>Anger flared inside him, spreading through his chest like wildfire, seeking an outlet. Seeking a target. After days of sitting by Obi-Wan's bedside, of pleading with healers, the Force, and Obi-Wan himself… Anakin felt like he was drowning in misery and helpless frustration. Anger was a welcome change; an old, familiar friend. Anger-</p><p> </p><p>Would do him no good here. Not with Mace Windu.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin took a deep breath, then released it slowly. "Of course, Master," Anakin forced through gritted teeth, gesturing with his right hand. "After you."</p><p> </p><p>Windu's expression didn't change as he swept past Anakin, his hands folded behind his back, leaving Anakin no choice but to follow.</p><p> </p><p>Throwing one last glance at the doors leading to the Halls of Healing, Anakin turned on his heel, hurrying to catch up.</p><p> </p><p>"If there is any change in Master Kenobi's condition," Windu remarked, glancing at Anakin from the corner of his eyes. "You will be notified. Immediately."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin blinked, perplexed. "I- You have my thanks, Master."</p><p> </p><p>Windu's mouth tightened into a thin line. "This is not indulgence, Skywalker." He paused, shaking his head. "That mission was hasty and ill-conceived from the start."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin gaped, almost tripping over his own feet. Windu had been against that mission, that much Anakin had already known, but to all but outright call it a mistake? Admit the Council's fallibility? To Anakin?</p><p> </p><p>Windu gave him a flat look. "<em> Including </em> who the Council had chosen for it."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin scowled. Now <em> that </em> sounded more like Mace Windu Anakin knew.</p><p> </p><p>"We haven't taken any unnecessary risks, Master," Anakin protested, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. "We couldn't have known that the holocron would activate itself."</p><p> </p><p>But was that the truth? Anakin couldn't be certain. His memory of what has happened was still… unclear. He could remember reaching for the holocron but he couldn't remember touching it. And he sure as kriff couldn't remember actually <em> deciding </em>to reach for it.</p><p> </p><p>Windu gave him a long, indecipherable look. "Trouble seems to follow you regardless of your intentions, Skywalker." Windu halted in his tracks abruptly, turning to face Anakin fully. "And the same goes for Kenobi."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin opened his mouth but a single raised eyebrow from Windu made him snap it shut.</p><p> </p><p>Something almost like amusement flashed across Windu's face, but it was gone almost immediately, replaced by his usual grave expression.</p><p> </p><p>Windu strode past Anakin, stopping when he reached the top of the stairs, leading down to the main hall. He leaned against the railing, his mouth twisting into a grimace.</p><p> </p><p>"We have lost three more Jedi today."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin bowed his head, his stomach churning with a complex tangle of emotions. Many not particularly becoming a Jedi. This war was turning into a seemingly endless slog, with no end in sight. They were nowhere near close to winning the war. Despite the number of lives lost; Jedi and clone troopers alike.</p><p> </p><p>"I am sorry to hear that," Anakin said.</p><p> </p><p>"As we all are," Windu remarked in a quiet, weary voice, more to himself than to Anakin. He remained silent one moment, staring off into the distance. </p><p> </p><p>Anakin shifted in place, uncomfortable. Things were really going badly if Windu was allowing himself to appear almost human in front of Anakin.</p><p> </p><p>As if hearing Anakin's thoughts, Windu straightened, squaring Anakin with a sharp look, all traces of weariness wiped off of his face.</p><p> </p><p>"But that is not the reason I wanted to speak with you, Skywalker."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin tensed, an icy coil of dread wrapping itself around his chest. He knew this moment would come - has known it from the beginning - but he wasn't prepared for it. Wasn't prepared to leave Obi-Wan. Not yet. Or possibly ever.</p><p> </p><p>"With Obi-Wan incapacitated, we cannot afford to have another Jedi General out of commission," Windu said, his sharp gaze fixed on Anakin's unerringly. "So I am asking you, Skywalker, are you ready to go back to doing your duty?"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin glanced down, balling his hands into fists, his breathing shortening. He didn't have an answer. No matter how thoroughly he searched his feelings. He couldn't say no. But he couldn't say yes either.</p><p> </p><p>"Master Windu," Anakin began, only to be interrupted by a low beep from his commlink. He swallowed a sigh of relief, thankful for the momentary reprieve. He glanced at Windu, then at his commlink, shrugging apologetically as he brought his commlink up to his mouth. "Skywalker here." </p><p> </p><p>"Skywalker," came Vokara Che's voice. She sounded unusually shaken. Anakin's heart froze in his chest, his breath stilling in his lungs. "It is Obi-Wan-"</p><p> </p><p>"I'm coming," Anakin rasped, ending the call with trembling fingers.</p><p> </p><p>"Skywalker-"</p><p> </p><p>Anakin didn't wait to hear what Windu wanted to say. He turned on his heel and started running, his thoughts a tumultuous mess of dread and hope, his heart beating a wild rhythm against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>A rhythm that spelled a name. Just one name. Over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin barged into Obi-Wan's room in the Halls of Healing, breathless and trembling faintly, stopping dead in his tracks as his gaze slid over Vokara's scowling face to the only other person in the room.</p><p> </p><p>"Skywalker, you cannot just-" Vokara began, but Anakin tuned her out, his entire attention narrowing to that familiar, beloved face, staring at him in confusion and dismay.</p><p> </p><p>But awake. Finally, blessedly awake. </p><p> </p><p>Anakin blinked, his mouth spreading into a wide smile, his chest feeling as if it would burst from sheer joy.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin made a step forward, then another, reaching after Obi-Wan with one unsteady hand. "Obi-Wan," Anakin breathed. "You're awake. Thank the Force."</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan gave him a puzzled look, glancing briefly at Vokara, then back at Anakin.</p><p> </p><p>"I am sorry," Obi-Wan said, his mouth turning up into a bland smile. The kind he'd only given Anakin once. The day they had met for the first time. "But I don't know you."</p><p> </p><p>Anakin went deathly still, his outstretched hand frozen an inch away from Obi-Wan, who was looking at him as if he had never seen him before. As if they were strangers. As if Anakin meant <em>nothing</em> to him.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin blinked, his thoughts turning to white noise, and his blood to ice, as his entire world shattered all around him. </p><p> </p><p>(Or maybe that was only his heart.)</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There should be a continuation to this fic, told from Obi-Wan's POV.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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